A New Story of Self

"The most common ego identifications have to do with our possessions, the work we do, our social status our physical appearance, our relationships and family history… and our racial, religious and political identifications. None of these are you!"

- Eckhart Tolle

Could it really be, as Tolle implies (above), that most of us don't really know who we are… i.e.,  that we suffer from a case of mistaken identity?

You could begin to dig into this right now by taking five minutes (use a timer) to write down, non-stop, without filtering, a description of who you are. When the time is up, take a deep breath and then cross out all that you wrote. Seriously, cross it all out! Then, set the timer for just three minutes and, again, write a description of who you are, but without mentioning anything from your first entry. When your time is up, once again, cross out what you wrote; and for a final time revisit the question—who are you?— writing for three minutes, without mentioning anything from your first two rounds.

Patti Digh, who describes this exercise in her book, Life as a Verb, attests that if you take this process seriously, you will get closer to the deeper truth of who you are with each successive round.

Exploring Beliefs

Articulating and, then, questioning one’s beliefs is an essential step on the journey to self-discovery. With this goal in mind, complete each of the following sentences, writing down in your journal, the first thing that comes to mind.

- I should…
- People need to...
- It is important to…
- It is wrong to…
- What matters most to me is…
- I can’t stand people who…
- One thing that I know to be true is…
- Having children is…
- Wealthy people are…

- The world is the way it is because…
- Relationships are…
- White people are…
- I couldn’t live without…
- Old people are…
- I would die for…
- People of color are…
- My country is…

As you read what you wrote, open to the possibility that your statements are not really a reflection of your beliefs, so much as a reflection of how your have been conditioned to see both yourself and the world. Upshot: As we come to see how our conditioning thwarts our identity, we take a step toward discerning the deeper truth of who we are.

Shedding Limiting Beliefs

As we awaken to our social conditioning, we gain the opportunity to assume the rightful authorship of our lives. How? By creating a new story of self. You can take a first step in this direction by completing each of the open sentences below, writing the first two things that come to mind.


I am...(physical characteristics):
1)_________________; 2)_________________

I am...(mental capacities):
1)_________________; 2)_________________

My relationship with others is...
1)_________________; 2)_________________

My ability to love is...
1)_________________; 2)_________________

People are...
1)_________________; 2)_________________

Life is...
1)_________________; 2)_________________

When you are finished, read over your statements and mark each one as either: 1-Empowering (i.e., a statement that leaves you feeling enlivened/energized); or 2-Limiting (a statement that leaves you feeling flat/off-kilter).

Now, dive deeper by reflecting on how your Limiting Beliefs might be blocking your life energy, dividing you from other people, as well as from your very self. Then, experiment with letting go of your limiting beliefs, one by one! After all, these beliefs are just artifacts of your social conditioning. So, why hold onto stuff that limits you and creates stress…?

Consider concluding this inquiry by replacing one of your limiting beliefs with a new belief—i.e., a new way of seeing—that opens and expands you. For example, if you hold the belief that people are selfish or stupid or mean, explore what happens if you substitute this condemning stance with the compassionate belief that we are all doing the best we can, given what we have available to us, day-by-day.

For an example of someone liberating themselves from a limiting belief, check out this video; and then pause to reflect on the possibility that things about yourself  that you might judge as flaws are actually gifts insofar as they provide you with opportunities to respect, love and accept yourself just as you are.

The Alchemy of Surrender:
A Parable for Our Times

In his book, Success Intelligence, Robert Holden tells a story about a doll made of salt who had been walking in the desert for longer than she could remember. She didn’t know from where she had come, nor how long she had been traveling. She was simply alive, walking, by day beneath the hot sun and by night, under the icy moonlight.

At a certain point, she came to the sea, though she could make no sense of it. This new land, shifting and noisy and made of a substance entirely unknown to her, filled her small body with an unfamiliar fear.

“What are you?” the salt doll asked, staring out at the endless body of water.

“Touch me,” the sea replied. Tentatively, the salt doll reached out and put a toe into the water. A thrill shot up the length of her body and she gained a glimmer of understanding. Yet when she looked down, she noticed that her toe was gone. “What’s happened?” the salt doll asked. “What have you done to me?”

The sea replied, “You’ve given something of yourself in order to know. This is how it is.” The salt doll withdrew slightly. She was unsure about this new world and its strange ways. She didn’t want to lose herself. The sea said nothing. It lapped at the shore, existing, as simply as the sun and the wind.

Eventually, the salt doll was unable to keep herself from moving closer again. She could still taste the sea in her body, and her curiosity was too strong. She needed to know more.

So she waded in and the farther she walked into the sea, the more she dissolved, until there was only very little of her left. Before that last bit dissolved, the salt doll exclaimed in wonder, “Now I know who I am!”  

- What do you make of this story?
- What, if anything, might it have to do with your own process of self-discovery?

As a means of deepening your reflection, take in this challenging video, entitled “What Have You Forgotten?” from philosopher and writer, Alan Watts:

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I realized that I could choose to become the author of my own life by transforming my limiting beliefs into beliefs that are affirming and empowering."

- Alex Mezyad, Steppingstone #26 Guide

Join the conversation hosted by Alex on the Community Page