Kaitlyn Spangler
Stepping Stone 29 Guide
"I reside in the beautiful hills of central Pennsylvania, where the lush ferns and rolling farmland feel like home. I love trail dancing through the forest and being where the seasons are as dynamic as I am."
Imagining a new story of the Universe scares me. Reading Thomas Berry’s opening words to this steppingstone made me feel ashamed of the stories – steeped in modern industrialism and materialism—that I have inherited from my culture. At the same time, I felt scared because the idea of turning my worldview on its head was deeply unsettling; and I began to doubt that I had any idea how to even begin cultivating a relationship with the Universe.
The “Articulating Your Worldview” exercise in this steppingstone was a gentle place for me to begin addressing these fears. Initially answering the questions, I felt nervous about getting the answer “right” or saying something “interesting enough”. This realization made me laugh. After all, this exercise is for ME to cultivate wonder in myself and to expand my worldview; there are no right answers, and there is nothing to be afraid of! Letting go of the pretense to get it “right” is certainly not easy, but the boldness to try pushed me to consider things such as, “The universe is… happening right now, in front of my eyes, inside of me… miracle after miracle after miracle.” As such, I was enlivened to write this poem to the Universe and its miraculousness.
How big is the Universe?
When I worry that
I am too small for the Universe
Too unimportant
I remember that
Just below the grass, under my bare feet
Is a Universe
Positively teeming with life
Inhaling and exhaling
Brimming with miracles.
Now, if this is my reset view of the universe, what an exciting way to wake up each morning, surrounded by miracles!
"I am brilliant and radiant, just as the stars. I am howling and stubborn, just as the wind."
I remember a time, not long ago, sleeping out in the forest with my partner and some friends. We laid our sleeping bags on the ground and curled up into them in the middle of the night when it was dark and still and quiet. There was something magnetic about the sky, the way the stars twinkled, our heads laid back, and our eyes gazing up. It was an unspoken act to fix our gaze on the stars with an unbroken intensity, wordless.
I think back to that moment now, and I realize that we were each having our own intimate encounters with the Milky Way Galaxy, while marveling that each of our bodies were quite literally composed of stardust!
How many times have I thought to look at the stars when the sun goes down? And, when I do, I’m filled with a bone-deep sense of calm and connectedness, smiling to myself everytime. This really does change everything; I have always known of the Universe and the Cosmos in the ways that I know myself.
When I consider that “I am this Universe—that I am creating it”— I am filled with a sense of doubt and, yet, utter excitement. Part of me ponders that the universe could not be as boring and simple as me. What do I have to offer so grand to be compared to the Universe itself? These questions and doubts come from a well of uncertainty and shame deep inside – one that tells me I am not enough and am not important. But, then, how simple to turn this question on its head and wonder, why not me?
I am brilliant and radiant, just as the stars. I am howling and stubborn, just as the wind. I am calm and flowing, just as the waters. I am bold and warm, just as the light. And this, I realize, is how I, as Deepak Chopra said, “relate to the Universe as if it were alive”. Together we dance a beautiful serenade of small, seemingly mundane moments that add up to mountains and rivers and forests of life. I cannot think of anything more breathtakingly exciting than to dance with the Universe, and here I am – as we all are – with the opportunity to do just that, if we awaken.
