Awaken... Reflect... Engage...

How? By joining the conversation centered on From Breakdown to Breakthrough —hosted by Nick Strubel, your Guide for this Steppingstone.

Nick Strubel

Stepping Stone 12 Guide

"I'm from Bellefonte, a small town in the heart of Pennsylvania, surrounded by forests and farmlands. I'm the most myself when exploring new trails with my two puppies or while discussing books and movies with anyone who comes into the library that I manage."

When I opened this steppingstone, I was greeted by these words from Erich Fromm: “Living is the process of continuous rebirth. The tragedy in the life of most of us is that we die before we are fully born.Dying before we are fully born sounds to me like living our lives in a perpetual state of Breakdown! Does this sound familiar? Have you ever had the experience of feeling like you were sleepwalking thorough your life, day-after-day, stuck in a subdued, flat, lifeless state?

"I was alienated from myself because I was afraid to be intimate with myself."

My own Breakdown came after working in the field of Hotel Management for ten years and finally landing what I thought would be my dream job. I was taken in by the hefty salary and the opportunity to travel all around the country; but when I finally started that job, I felt the loss of all the moments in my life that I had let slip by in the hot pursuit of my “dream” job. In retrospect, I now realize that I had been—without knowing it—in a state of Breakdown, sleep-walking through my life. I would work for 10-12 hours; then go back to my hotel room and go to bed. Nothing mattered, even the “emergencies” on the job seemed meaningless. I was separate from my co-workers, my clients and myself. For example, I would often find myself in the middle of a conversation, waiting for my chance to use my pre-planned responses, without ever really listening to the other person. Over time, I became just like the hotels I worked in—spiritless, soulless, dead.  

My Breakdown didn’t happen suddenly. Instead, it was a gradual thing. Without me noticing, it slowly enveloped me—its tendrils weaving their way through every fiber of my being—until I was suffocating.

I have always had a difficult time with meditation or anything introspective, so when I encountered the exercise on Accessing Your Inner Teacher in Times of Breakdown in this steppingstone, I was skeptical, but also intrigued. So, I decided to give it a try. I didn’t know who my inner teacher could be until he presented himself. Then, I realized it could have never been anyone else. It was my deceased grandfather!

I poured all my anxieties, fears and tears into this teacher who “stood” before me. In response, at the end, my grandfather said, “A good cry never hurt anyone.” Even though I had heard him say these words on numerous occasions during his lifetime, I had never felt them as poignantly as on this day. In that moment, I didn’t let shame or embarrassment get in the way of my encounter. Instead, I realized that my tears were a release. It was, indeed, a good cry.

In retrospect, I now see that during that time of Breakdown I was alienated from myself because I was afraid to be intimate with myself; and in the process I had created the limiting belief that I had to stick with hotel management because it was something that I was good at and the pay gave me access to a comfortable life.  

Acknowledging this limiting belief led to the realization that a big life change—i.e., a Breakthrough—would be necessary if I wished to break free from the shackles of Breakdown.   With this end in mind, I recalled the deep satisfaction I had experienced in college, working with nonprofits, and wondered if this might be the direction I needed to take. Acknowledging this need for purpose and fulfillment was just the beginning of my Breakthrough.

Perhaps there have been times in your life when you have been addled by internal conflict and self-doubt, but unwilling to slow down and face-off with yourself. If this is the case, I encourage you to explore the practice of Hushing (as described by Greg Levoy in this steppingstone). All that is required is that you create quiet spaces in your life so that you can attune to your soul’s deep yearnings.

Since being introduced to Hushing, I’ve followed my heart and made the commitment to start a new career by becoming the manager of the public library in my hometown. This move has forced me to take a hard look at what I had been prioritizing, and, in the end, I chose PURPOSE over PROFIT.

In my new position I feel rejuvenated, like I have a reason for waking up each day, and this makes me smile. On a daily basis I have conversations with library patrons about their lives, the books they are reading, and what they like or dislike. Each of these interactions is unscripted and, for the most part, engaging. I now give my full attention to those I am with, and when the time arises for me to speak I do so from a place of awareness and presence.

At the end of this steppingstone, I was stunned when I read the extraordinary account of how Robert Desnos, a Jewish psychologist, imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp, freed himself and his fellow prisoners from certain death by offering them a new story (i.e., a new way of seeing the world) that transformed their imminent death into freedom. Desnos’ account has relevance for all of us, reminding us that shedding limiting beliefs gives us the power to transform Breakdowns into Breakthroughs.

An Invitation to Join the Conversation

As your Guide for this steppingstone, my hope is that our Community Space will become a friendly setting where we can learn from each other by sharing stories, questions, and reflections relating to the Breakdown to Breakthrough theme of this steppingstone. As a way to engage, please consider sharing your thoughts and experiences regarding any of the practices introduced in this steppingstone that may call to you, including:  

Practice 1-Hushing from Greg Levoy

Practice 2-Accessing Your Inner Teacher from Robert Walsh

Practice 3-Changing Your Beliefs in Times of Breakdown inspired by Robert Desnos

Use the comment box below to share your reflections!

When posting, focus on what you know to be true for you