Amanda Quinones
Stepping Stone 05 Guide
"I am a New York native living in Los Angeles. The sun and water bring me peace and creative energy fuels me!"
Hi, I'm Amanda Quinones and when I reflect on truthspeaking, i realize it's a liberty I knew not of until I reached my twenties. While I always embraced the understanding that telling the truth was “good” and “right”, what I failed to realize was that society often encourages us to tell the truth, with limitations. For example, white lying is quite all right so long as it has a good intention! Similarly, I could exaggerate an accomplishment of mine to protect my image and facilitate a desired outcome of validation, and no harm would be done… Right? Or, I could silence a passion-filled opinion to keep peace with a friend who I secretly disagreed with… and again, no harm… Right? WRONG!
"I grew up being told who I was, and, in the process, I silenced my true self to conform to the boxes that I believed I was supposed to fit into."
For much of my life (like so many of us) I had no idea what it even meant to Truthspeak and, as a result of my ignorance, I compromised my integrity and freedom. Today, I am endeavoring to summon the integrity to Truthspeak on all occasions, having only recently awakened to the fact that my habit of people pleasing often undermines my ability to Truthspeak.
This tendency to want to be a people pleaser is the result of my social conditioning during childhood. Like so many other kids, I grew up being told who I was, and, in the process, I silenced my true self to conform to the boxes that I believed I was supposed to fit into. One of those boxes was toughness. For example, growing up, I was constantly teased for being too sensitive. Because my culture told me that this was a bad thing, I spent years toughening up. Never could I cry in front of others, nor could I share how something made me feel without the fear of being viewed as overly dramatic. Looking back, I realize that I silenced myself in many aspects of my being. As a result, to this very day, I am still painfully piecing together the me I was divinely created to be.
I used to think that people pleasing was a positive quality that made me kind and likable to all. Now I see that it is only a result of the pain caused by abandoning myself. As I learn to speak my own lived truth, I am coming to see that I can still be loved deeply while honoring my own needs and truths. At the same time, I admit that there are times when my fear of alienating those around me undermines my commitment to Truthspeaking.
As a means of deepening my capacity for Truthspeaking, I chose to engage with the five-word response game (Exercise #2 in this steppingstone) with two different people—a trusted friend and a cousin. With my friend, the space was peaceful and accepting; and, although it was quite unconventional, truth flowed and was revealed. By asking genuine questions and responding with honesty and authenticity, we found connection around our shared love of family and nature. This exercise was more challenging with my cousin because I was afraid of being judged and struggled to express my most genuine truth; but, in the end, I left feeling a deeper appreciation for our relationship; and with this came a fuller understanding of Oprah Winfrey’s wise words—“What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have."
