Morgan Kravarik
Stepping Stone 03 Guide
"I reside in Boulder, Colorado, where I feel most at home along the rivers and among the mountains. Find me laughing with the birds and singing musical numbers around my house"
Hi, I'm Morgan Kravarik and the quote from Rilke on living and loving the questions at the beginning of this steppingstone, led me to reflect on my own experiences and attitudes around questions. I did this by simply paying attention to the feelings that arise when I am asked questions; and I noticed, right off, that when my friends ask me questions I feel open and relaxed, but when strangers ask me questions I often feel defensive.
"A love of questions creates the conditions whereby I am able to deepen my relationships with myself and with those around me."
This was brought home to me recently when I was on a road trip by myself and stopped at a convenience store to buy some food. While ringing up my purchases, the cashier began asking me questions about where I was coming from and where I was going and why I was traveling...? I felt nervous and closed-off in the face of these questions, and this led me to respond with as few words as possible. Later, when I was back on the road it occurred to me that my guarded response to the clerk came from a deep-seeded fear that strangers might somehow take advantage of me. Though I knew that my fear was irrational, I didn’t know how to shake it.
I finally had an epiphany when I realized that, though I sometimes find standard questions like “How are you?” or “How’s it going?” or “What’s new?” to be bothersome, they actually have the potential to create a space for openness and authenticity, provided that I answer with sincerity.
For example, there was a time, recently, when a friend asked me, “What are you working on these days?” Rather than carefully considering his question, I responded quickly, saying, “I’m doing school assignments and some baking.” Upon hearing this, he turned toward me and asked if I would be willing to share more about my life and what I was going through? I was touched by his sincerity and after pausing to reflect, I told him that I was working on extending kindness to myself by avoiding negative self-talk; and kindness to others by taking time to offer what I call generous questions to strangers. Sometimes my questions can be whimsical, like asking the cashier at the grocery story: “How many bananas did you ring up today?” or “Who are you when no one is looking?”
I usually allow my questions to arise spontaneously. For example, if I happen to be attracted by an article of clothing that someone is wearing, I might ask that person to tell me the story of their hat… or their scarf… or their shoes. Though this may sound simplistic, it is amazing what we can learn and how we can connect to others, especially strangers, by listening to their stories about something that they happen to be wearing. I suppose that this is not really so surprising because, as humans, we enjoy being noticed and listened to… and we often delight in telling stories.
Through my exploration of this steppingstone, I am beginning to discover that a love of questions creates the conditions whereby I am able to deepen my relationships with myself and with those around me. I am also discovering that as I shed my fear of questions, I am creating more space in my life for generosity, playfulness and connection.
