Peter Yu
Stepping Stone 01 Guide
"I live in the pothole-ridden streets of greater Boston and connecting with nature connects me to my soul."
Hi, I'm Peter Yu and in the process of engaging with this steppingstone, I’ve realized that I am still very… much… asleep.
Reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s guidance in the section, “Paying Attention to your Breathing and Beating Heart,” I scoffed, thinking “Well this is corny”. But to my surprise, after a few minutes repeating Hanh’s words [Breathing in, I calm myself… Breathing out, I smile …] I was infused with a sense of peace, along with a smile that seemed to require no muscles at all in my face. How can I not smile, knowing that I have breath, and the luxury of peace away from threat?
"If I never open the doors to my heart, I’ll never know what’s there… and I will continue to be a stranger to myself."
As I read through the remainder of this steppingstone, I was intrigued by the three prompts in the “Walking on Water” section, designed to provoke awakenings. However, I put off completing those prompts for days… not from a lack of motivation, but because of my uneasiness around what might surface from my heart. Here’s what finally emerged:
i-If only I had the guts, I would… tell my parents that I love them.
ii-If I didn’t care about how people might judge me, I would… sing and dance in public.
iii- If I wasn’t worried about my future I would… quit my corporate job.
Of these three prompts, the first one—tell my parents that I love them—resulted in the most visceral response… a saddening and guilt-ridden one, actually. Even typing these words is hard for me to do, let alone to speak them out-loud.
You see my parents express their love and support for my brother and me in “tough love” ways; and the three words I love you only ever come out of my mother’s mouth. I hope the next time I see them in person I will find the courage to tell them what every parent deserves to hear from their child—i.e., that they are loved dearly.
As a result of hosting this steppingstone I am coming to realize that I am afraid to be vulnerable with others… especially with my parents. It turns out that, for me, unlocking the doors to my heart is a feat similar to walking on water.
It’s frightening for me to consider that if I never open the doors to my heart, I’ll never know what’s there… and I will continue to be a stranger to myself.
